Date that hunk you married!

By Jen Sorensen

Okay, ladies. Who likes going on dates? I don’t mean the terrifying, stress-inducing dates of our teenage years (please say that wasn’t just me!). I mean going out with that hunka hunka burnin’ love you married. I’m talking about pullin’ out the gooood sweats, y’all. Maybe even the skinny jeans! (Not the ones you have to lay on the bed to zip. I mean, please. I said date, not PTA meeting.)

For my hunka hunka (whom we will call Josh, because that is his name) and me, looking forward to our Friday night date gets us through the week. Monday: baaaack to the crazy schedule OR only 5 more days until we get each other all to ourselves again! Wednesday: taxi kiddos everywhere in between laundry and dinner and homework again OR 3 more days until we give a conceal-our-joy-so-we-don’t-hurt-their-cute-little-feelings-too-much wave to the kiddos and speed walk to the door? We look forward to them a lot, in case I was being subtle. That’s one of my strengths.

Now, our dates are not glamorous. They would be, but I just don’t have the right shoes. ha! yeah, right. I have a million shoes. Our dates aren’t glamorous because

   a) we’re too tired for glamour (dude, we just survived fiiiive weekdays)
   b) it’s expensive (who wants to budget that in??), but, most importantly, because
   c) dates aren’t about what you do - they’re about what you say.

There are so many things that spouses need to actually hear from each other and way too many times that they don’t ever get said. I need to hear that I look beautiful. I actually kinda hate that I need to hear it, but I do. And guess what? I mostly need to hear it when I’m in my good sweats, so date night is perfect! I need to hear that he thinks I’m doing an amazing job at keeping all the plates spinning. I’m not going to believe him, but I need to hear it. I need to hear that I’m the world’s best mom and that our kids adore me. And even though all the mom fails from the week will come zooming through my head like a comic strip on steroids, those will be the words that help me have a little more patience the next week.

He needs to hear that I am amazed at how well he juggles work and family. How I fall in love again every time he helps our kids with math. If I did it, I’d have to whisper-google every single problem because I can barely double a recipe. He needs to hear that I saw our daughter’s eyes light up because he told her she looked beautiful. He needs to hear that I feel safe with him and that I can’t wait to fall asleep by him every night and that holding his hand actually makes me breathe slower and feel calmer.

Sometimes we talk for so long that we just drive and drive and drive-thru and drive some more. And other times, we talk a little bit on the way to a movie and I fall asleep on his shoulder while we drive home. It doesn’t always matter how much we say. Just that we say the right things.

Most of the time, our talks are simple and sweet, but there are times when the talks are hard and important and we hold hands anyway because hard talks don’t have to mean hard feelings. They might require hard steps, but we can do it. Life just happens one short, crazy day at a time. People don’t suddenly fall out of love. It’s a slow, sneaky thing and dating each other forever might just keep it from happening. In fact, it could keep it from ever starting.

You fell in love while you were dating.
Don’t you think if you keep dating, you could stay in love?

Just make it happen. If you have littles, pop open a bag of chips and play a card game before you fall asleep. Need groceries? Skip the restaurant portion of the date and proceed to the nearest grocery store. Actually, go to the farthest grocery store so you can chat while you drive. Ask each other questions. Believe it or not, your spouse can still surprise you no matter how long you’ve been married. For example, after about 12 years of marriage Josh asked me to tell him something he didn’t know about me. I thought really hard and finally said, “My favorite sound is dropping a lit match into a cup of water.” It took a while for the laughter to die down. Good talk.

Marriage is absolutely the closest thing we have to understanding the selfless love that helps us become more like our heavenly parents. I know my husband is always, I mean always, more concerned about my needs that he is about his own. He knows that I am always thinking of how I can meet his. When someone else is always putting you first, then you don’t have to put yourself first; suddenly you have a selfless relationship. I know this doesn’t happen overnight and it doesn’t happen easily, but it can happen one little day and one little date at a time.

A Happy Family of Planners Who Plan for Family Happiness (Say That Five Times Fast)

by Danielle' Dimond

Have you ever tried to rescue a young boy from his older sister’s verbal rage when she is late to school because he can’t find his jacket? I’ve been there. The scars are still fresh and even months later, that young boy’s eye still twitches nervously whenever I jingle the car keys.  

This school year our family has had a little routine adjusting to do, as our daughter started seminary and we need to leave for school 10 minutes earlier than usual every other day. Mornings are hard as it is around here since I’ve passed on my genetic a.m. disposition to my spawn. It’s a disposition of general disdain for all mankind until 8:00 a.m. Mountain Daylight Time. Sorry about that kids! Better make a note of that on my family history page for future generations to beware.

If we don’t remind everyone the night before that we’ll be leaving early, we are all certain to be late, dangerous and well, less than spiritually awesome.

We’ve since begun a preventive measures program we like to call, The Family Who Plans Together Doesn’t Try to Kill Each Other for Tardiness…mostly.

This proactive peace effort takes place on Sunday evenings during Family Counsel. Everyone who has one brings their calendar/planner/coloring page to the table and we plug in all the soccer practices/games, basketball practices/games, Young Women’s activities, Scout activities, and meetings for callings, social plans and school events. If we are over scheduled on any given day we talk it out together and decide how we’ll make it work, or what we’ll need to cut to make things run smoothly and keep everyone chill. I write everything in my calendar, which generally remains open in the kitchen so everyone can be in that smug state known simply as “the know”.

Guess what I’ve discovered? This simple practice of planning as a family has approximately 147 benefits! However, for the sake of time (so you don’t make yourself late for something due to reading this enchanting piece of literature) I’m only going to share 5 reasons why planning as a family will help you and yours!

1. The Most Beautiful View is an Overview

A first step to working on any team is for all team members to understand the overlying plan. You have to know what each player is going to be doing in order to anticipate what you yourself will need to do. If Jr. knows that big sister needs to get to school early in the morning, he knows he can’t lay around in bed for five more minutes, or luxuriate over which already dirty school uniform to wear. He knows that the team goal is to get out the door in time, so his role is to get his cute patootie moving so that the team wins all the things!

2. Involved and Invested in Every Activity…even if it’s not theirs

When you include everyone in the family on the planning and figuring of events and activities, you’re involving everyone in every event. Planning together how you’re going to get one kid to a piano lesson right after school is going to help the other kids respect the plan and feel like the plan is theirs too, not just piano going Jimmy. Hustling those metaphorical bustles home after the bus drops them off will be their part of executing plan ‘Jimmy gets his music on’. They can then feel the same satisfaction you do when Jimmy gets to his lesson on time because they helped make the plan to do it!

3. Prioritizing Prioritization

Inevitably, your family schedule is going to have some hiccups, especially if you have a lot of kids and/or a lot of activities going on. Hiccups are ok; in fact, they can be great tools for teaching! When everyone sees the problem laid (i.e. a soccer practice and a soccer game scheduled at the same time), you get to teach about prioritization. Soccer practice kid learns that a game is more important and he’ll have to miss this practice so his sister and family can make it to her game.   

4. Problem Solving + Time Management = Super Powers!!!

This act of teaching prioritization also helps kids learn about problem solving and time management. Problem solving comes in if there’s a school play going on at the same time as the violin recital and Mom and Dad are going to be out of town. Everyone need not freak out and burst into “it’s not fair” tears. We all just put our heads together and figure out how everyone can get a ride from a friend or neighbor to their events.

You can teach time management skills when there’s a busy afternoon planned on Thursday and a big report due for Henrietta on Friday. You can all plan out together when she can work on her report earlier in the week so it’s all done before that busy Thursday afternoon.

5. Everyone Has a Voice

One of the biggest perks to planning as a family is that everyone gets to feel like they have a say in what is going on and that their voice is heard in the planning stages. As a result, it’s easier for them to accept and respect everyone else’s voice too. This isn’t to say that you won’t have to play the parent card sometimes and make the hard decision yourself when no one can agree, but it may lessen the blow a bit if everyone can see the big picture in front of them.

Planning together will unite and bless your family!

Think about it, our wise Heavenly Father was a planner. Before we even decided we’d participate in this hectic thing called life on earth, He laid out a plan of salvation for us during the very first family counsel ever! He asked for solutions and whether or not we wanted to participate. Our voices were heard (for better or worse) and those of us who chose to come knew the plan beforehand and we loved it. We felt that we were a part of it, for all eternity. God shows us how to do all things, even things as simple as how to plan a week/month or even a year together with our families. Our hope can only be that by following this example we can truly have our own Family Plan of Happiness.

Who loved General Conference?! All of us. Who can remember much of what we heard? Probably not many of us. That’s okay! Our Heavenly Father knows we learn “line upon line, precept upon precept.” Basically, our little human brains - as amazing as they are - need lots of chances to learn.

In a talk from the April 2011 General Conference, Elder Bednar said, “Most frequently, revelation comes in small increments over time and is granted according to our desire, worthiness, and preparation.” What’s the takeaway? Let’s study General Conference in small increments over time.

In an October 2011 General Conference talk, Elder Scott said, “Great power can come from memorizing scriptures. To memorize a scripture is to forge a new friendship. It is like discovering a new individual who can help in time of need, give inspiration and comfort, and be a source of motivation for needed change.” These memorized passages, including quotes from General Conference, can become like friends that help us in times of need. When our kids have questions, we have counsel memorized and at the ready. Elder Scott says, “Learning, pondering, searching, and memorizing scriptures is like filling a filing cabinet with friends, values, and truths that can be called upon anytime, anywhere in the world.”

Choose something from your General Conference notes or studies (or use a quote from below) and start memorizing! Let’s fill our filing cabinets together!

Five Habits of Highly Successful {at looking like they have it together} Moms

I’ve been married for an amazing 16 years. Since those looooong ago single days I added a hubby, four kids, a house, about a million socks without matches, a certificate in master gardening, a new job, a looooot of volunteer hours with the PTA, and about 40 pounds. Do I love each of my kids ten pounds’ worth? Let’s go with yes.

The point is … in 16 years life has gone from just the two of us sleeping in on Saturday mornings and taking lazy walks dreaming about the future to BAM! So. Crazy. Busy.

Even after 16 years I can't be serious when we try to take couple photos now.

They always turn into awkward engagement photo reenactments.

First baby: Dreamy.

Second baby: We’ve totally got this!

Third baby: Outnumbered but I have adorable little helpers.

Fourth baby: What the?!?

I mean, after my last baby it took me nearly five years to finally buy a new bra and nearly eight before I went back to the dentist.. Anyhoooooo ...

Someday my house will be quiet and I’ll miss the noise, the graffitied walls (the 8-year-old still. draws. on. the. walls.), the constant shock over how quickly food disappears, but, for now, I just have to keep up with the crazy.

So here are the FIVE things that help me keep up the facade that we have our lives together.

1. Adjust, Don’t “Lower,” Your Expectations.

Can we, just for one second, vent about this phrase?? Lowering my expectations? Really? How about setting expectations that sit wherever the heck you want because they make sense for your reality?

For example, I used to make dinner every night. That’s because I actually got the grocery shopping done. And that’s because I actually made a menu. And that’s because I had two seconds at a time to think about life. But now things have changed and I no longer make menus or trips to the store or dinner. My goal has become to make dinner two nights a week. I adjusted my expectations to our reality. I didn't lower them.

Do I miss our evening ritual of catching up {complaining} about our days, talking {moaning} about what might be happening the next day, or everyone pitching in {disappearing} when it was time to clean up? Maybe a little. But it sure is nice to feel good about myself a couple times a week instead of feeling like a crap mom on the five nights we don’t get to eat together.

The benefit to this is that my kids can now successfully cook dinner for themselves (you’re welcome, future college children), do their own laundry (you’re welcome, future college roommates) and quickly do their chores 1o minutes before I get home and pretend they weren’t watching TV (you’re welcome, um, no one).

2. Like Your Kids.

Okay, we have to love our kids. It’s natural. We can’t help it. But sometimes they're really hard to like! It takes a lot of effort to look past the twerp they are currently and see the amazing human they’re trying so desperately to turn themselves into.

Try to love having your kiddos around. Mine are hilarious - when they’re not arguing. My oldest can quote movies so well that no one even realizes she’s doing it. She can sing. Play guitar. Frankly, there’s not much she can’t do. My second is totally into parkour (like running up the sides of buildings and flipping off!) and I’m constantly amazed by what he’s brave enough to do. My third is going to be the most amazing soccer player who has ever lived or breathed or walked the earth, At least he will be to me. And, guys, he has this smile! Like melt-my-heart-every-single-time smile. My littlest is a vandal. But a super cute one! (Seriously, though. She draws on everything! But if you give her a coloring page and some markers she looks at you like, really? You want me to color? I’m, like, already 8 and stuff.) Let’s just agree that some phases are easier to like than others.

All in all, my kids are the ones other people watch with wide eyes and say, “Wow! They have a lot of energy!” Yes, they do and I like it!

3. Change Your Attitude.

One day on the phone my BFF was telling me about her rough day and the she said, “I just have to change my attitude.” I thought, hello? Just change your attitude? Uh. Okay. But she’s pretty much the smartest person I know and she actually has her life together so I decided I would try it. It’s amazing what happens in your brain when you decide to be positive. Guess what? All your problems are manageable. Smiling? It’s magical. A smiling mom makes kids feel safe. A mom who’s smiling on the inside, too? There’s no stopping her. Thanks, bestie. You’re a keeper.

4. Do Things For Yourself.

Sounds heavenly, right? Run. Right now. Hang out with some friends. Buy yourself a new book. Hide in the car and devour a milkshake like there’s no tomorrow. (True story.) Or get really crazy and plan an actual night out. Sometimes we moms experience this awful condition called Mom Guilt. Its symptoms include feeling badly about absolutely nothing. That is all. When we remember that we are actual people then our kids remember that we are actual people. And actual people have feelings and needs and flaws and that’s okay. It’s like that oxygen mask comparison. You have to put your mask on first if you have any chance of helping others. The struggle is real, but you are worth it.

5. Do Things For Others.

I actually do a lot of volunteering. Sounds amazing, I know (don’t worry … I just rolled my eyes at myself), but honestly it’s my way of getting to know my kids’ teachers and principals and office staff. It’s pretty great when you get a voicemail from the secretary at school laughing and saying, “Hey, Jen! Call us when you get a sec. Jonah stuck a penny up his nose.” Then more laughing. The penny up his nose part was slightly terrifying, but the voicemail could have gone like this: “Hi, Mrs. Sorensen. This is your offsprings’ school calling. We don’t really know who you are or who your child is, but this is the phone number he gave us and he is currently sitting with our medical professional who is performing an extraction of a coin right out the part of his face where he breathes. Please call us back at your earliest convenience.” I mean, it could have. It probably wouldn’t have, but still, it’s better if they know you, right?

Even though I have slightly evil reasons for volunteering, I’ve still been lucky enough to give so many tests to sweet little ones who needed some one-on-one support, smiles to kids who were having a rough day, high-fives to classes walking quietly through the halls - or at least they were quiet before the high-fives started, sorry teacher. And through all of those hours at schools I’ve always been thankful for the next mom to walk through the doors and do just the same thing for my little ones.

 My people.

Alli, Jonah (blue shirt), Asher (blondie with the glasses), Sophie tethered to me,

and Josh right in the middle of all the crazies.

The bottom line is, my friends, no one has it together. We just think they do. I’m pretty good at a few things. You’re pretty good at a few things. But mostly we’re good at thinking everyone else is better at everything else than we are and it’s just not true. So stop it. Do what you can. Tell yourself you’re doing a good job. Tell your kids they’re awesome and hilarious and that there’s no one out there better at being them than them. Then tell them to put their laundry away. Again.

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