You're Not A Martyr. You're a Mom.

The below post was written by Becky Squires from @makeminehappy

Welcome, and thank you for guest blogging here with us! 💜

You could say that I’m in the midst of motherhood. I have thirteen years of experience. Hundreds of diaper changes, temper tantrums, and sleepless nights.  I’ve lived the highs and the lows. But just recently I had kind of an “Aha!” moment. I had just sat down to eat lunch while my kids were all occupied doing other activities. If you’re a parent, you know what happens as soon as you sit down, right? My two youngest boys came running up to me demanding I get them a drink. I hadn’t even taken my first bite. I almost stood up out of habit to cater to their request, but then I paused as I looked at their faces.

“No,” I simply said. They looked confused. “Do you see that I’m eating lunch?” They nodded. “I would be happy to help you when I am done, or you can get yourselves a drink.”

And guess what? They pulled over a chair so they could reach a cup, and they got themselves a drink. So simple, I know. But it changed my perspective.

When you are constantly keeping your needs on the bottom of the totem pole, you are creating children who are entitled. Then they may grow up expecting other people to handle their problems for them.

Losing your sense of self is not indicative of your devotion to your children.

Forgetting yourself doesn’t make you a more responsible and caring parent.

So why do we think like this? Maybe it’s the way we were raised. Maybe it’s our culture. Maybe we moms enjoy the feeling of being needed all the time. But being needed doesn’t mean we have to fill our days with being busy, yet not really accomplishing anything worthwhile.

Why do we glory busyness? Filling your days with chaos doesn’t make you a good mom. Filling your children’s lives with endless activities doesn’t make them happy. Do you know what makes children happy? A mom who knows that taking care of herself is the first step. Then, we can take care of their needs. And as we take care of their needs we should be teaching them how to take care of their wants. We should be building children who are self-reliant and responsible.

Why do we treat motherhood like martyrdom? If you don’t want to be victimized, stop playing the victim. Martyrs always want to be recognized for their “selfless” acts. But isn’t that the definition of selfish?  You’re not a victim. You’re a mom. Let’s face it. Motherhood is probably the hardest job with the least amount of recognition. But we shouldn’t be in it for the recognition. That’s not why I became a mom. And I’m sure that’s not why you did either.  

It’s so important to take care of yourself. It doesn’t need to take a lot of time away from your family or cost a lot of money. There are thousands of ideas out there on how to get started. Here’s one great article full of ideas to get you started.

We moms think we are showing the world how to drain out all our moments and efforts into motherhood and that they will see a Super Mom. But what they are seeing is a tired and frustrated woman with little to give. Take care of yourself!  You’re not a martyr, you’re a mom.

Thanks again to Becky Squires for this sweet post! You can read more from her here.